We should focus on addressing a child's needs rather than relying on labels or diagnoses they have or might receive. Through observations, transition paperwork, discussions with the family and spending time with the child you will identify their needs. Children do not require their barriers to learning to be labelled for you to start to meet these. This will require flexible thinking and changes in expectations. It may not be possible to make a child fit in with the way you want them to do things. Think creatively and the quicker you put in the time and strategies the more likely they will begin to be able to do more with the rest of the children. Observe, listen and consider children. What is their behaviour and their voice telling us? Use these tabs to help you to understand reasonable expectations for a child’s chronological age and what these behaviours might be telling you.
What is developmentally appropriate for two-year-olds? |
What is developmentally appropriate for three-year-olds? |
What is developmentally appropriate for reception age children? |
Possible reasons for the behaviour |
What could be a reasonable adjustment? |
| Biting is very common at this age. Two-year-olds are still exploring the world around them and developing their early language skills. Co-regulation is starting to emerge. | Biting is common at this age. Three-year-olds are still developing their play and language skills. Co-regulation is continuing to develop. | Biting can be common at this age. However, there is usually a clear trigger. Expectations should be adapted for children who are in reception but functioning at the two-to-three-year age range or have little to no experience of a busy early years/school environment. | Sensory needs, exploration, lack of language, unclear speech, issues with hearing | Providing safe alternatives for the child to chew such as a damp flannel or fabric. Opportunities to eat hard crunchy food. This can help develop oral feedback. Blowing bubbles and blowing into a whistle. This can help to wake up the receptors in the mouth. |
What is developmentally appropriate for two-year-olds? |
What is developmentally appropriate for three-year-olds? |
What is developmentally appropriate for reception-age children? |
Possible reasons for the behaviour |
What could be a reasonable adjustment? |
| Snatching is very common at this age. Two-year-olds are curious and egocentric. They find it hard to wait their turn and can be impulsive. They need support to override the “I want it now” urges. Co-regulation may be starting to develop. | Snatching is common at this age. Three-year-olds do not yet have the skills to self-regulate and can struggle to control their impulses. Co-regulation may be starting to develop. |
Snatching is common in reception-age children. Children at this age are adapting to a new peer group and continuing to develop their social skills and self-regulation. Expectations should be adapted for children who are functioning at the two-to-three-year age range or has little or no experience of a busy early years/school environment. |
Another child has taken a toy, poor verbal skills, a way to communicate with a child, an attempt to initiate play. | Adults to model the use of purposeful language such as “my turn now”, “I’m waiting for my turn”. Sand timers available to support with turn taking, all children to be shown how to use them. |
What is developmentally appropriate for two-year-olds? |
What is developmentally appropriate for three-year-olds? |
What is developmentally appropriate for reception-age children? |
Possible reasons for the behaviour |
What could be a reasonable adjustment? |
| Hitting is very common at this age. Children at age two may have unclear speech and are not able to control their impulses through self-regulation. | Hitting is common at this age. Children at age three may not be able to express themselves clearly and are likely to have poor impulse control. |
Hitting is common in reception-age children, but the frequency is starting to reduce. Expectations should be adapted for children who are functioning at the two-to-three-year age range or have little or no experience of a busy early years/school environment. |
Other children invading their personal space, another child taking a toy away, limited verbal skills, |
Model the use of functional language such as “my turn.” Model turn-taking and the use of sand timers. Provide safe alternatives for hitting such as pushing a cushion. |
What is developmentally appropriate for two-year-olds? |
What is developmentally appropriate for three-year-olds? |
What is developmentally appropriate for reception-age children? |
Possible reasons for the behaviour |
What could be a reasonable adjustment? |
| Throwing objects is very common at this age. Children at age two are exploring the world around them. When they throw objects, they observe the direct impact on their environment, for example, how a ball bounces on the floor or how a dropped toy lands with a thud. This cause-and-effect discovery is a fundamental part of their cognitive development. Throwing can also be a sign of a trajectory schema. |
Throwing objects is common at this age and may be a trajectory schema, a repeated pattern of behaviour. This is all part of normal development. Three-year-olds are not yet able to self-regulate, so they may have strong urges which they cannot control. |
Throwing objects is common in reception-age children, but the frequency is starting to reduce. Expectations should be adapted for children who are functioning at the two-to-three-year age range or have little or no experience of a busy early years/school environment. |
Engaging in cause-and-effect play, trajectory schema*, other children invading this personal space, not understanding what to do with the item, and becoming frustrated if they cannot get their needs met. |
Interrupt and redirect if the throwing is unsafe. Provide opportunities for throwing which are safe, for example, throwing a ball into a bucket, throwing a bean bag in the air. |
*Schemas for Parents Booklet 2021 v01 (kidsdawntildusk.co.uk) Size: 405KB File format: pdf
What is developmentally appropriate for two-year-olds? |
What is developmentally appropriate for three-year-olds? |
What is developmentally appropriate for reception-age children? |
Possible reasons for the behaviour |
What could be a reasonable adjustment? |
| Shouting is very common at this age. Children at age two are unlikely to be aware of their own volume. They will speak loudly if the overall volume is high and talk over people to get their needs met. They may shout at others to make themselves heard. |
Shouting is common at this age. Children at age three are unlikely to be aware of their own volume unless an adult makes them aware. They may shout at others if they do not feel heard. |
Speaking loudly and shouting is common at this age, but is starting to reduce. Children in reception may start to adapt their volume in response to their environment, for example, speaking more quietly in a library, but may also become louder if the overall volume of the group is high. |
Overall volume in the room is too high, so all children and adults increase their own volume so that they can be heard. Children may have difficulty with their hearing, and this impacts the volume of their speech. Children who are sensitive to sounds may make their own noises to block out other noises. |
Manage overall noise in the room. Adults to model appropriate volume. If an adult whispers to get the attention of the group, some children may not be able to hear. Provide visual cues such as visual timetables and traffic lights to show volume levels. |
What is developmentally appropriate for two-year-olds? |
What is developmentally appropriate for three-year-olds? |
What is developmentally appropriate for reception-age children? |
Possible reasons for the behaviour |
What could be a reasonable adjustment? |
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Children at age two are emotionally egocentric and see the world only from their own personal perspective. This means that two-year-olds are not yet able to understand the impact of their actions on others. This is all part of normal brain development. Children at age two do not understand ‘why’ questions, such as “why did you hit Jonny?” |
Children at age three continue to be emotionally egocentric but may demonstrate some early signs of empathy, such as mirroring a child’s body language. For example, a child may subconsciously mirror a child’s sad facial expression. Children are not expected to understand ‘why’ questions until they are five years old, and they are likely to find it hard to explain what they have done. |
Children in their reception year will all be at different stages when it comes to their own sense of self. Some children in their reception year will start to feel empathy and then show empathy, such as taking a child’s hand when they are crying. Children are not expected to understand ‘why’ questions until they are five years old, and they are likely to find it hard to explain what they have done. Expectations should be adapted for children who are functioning at the two–to three-year age range or have little or no experience of a busy early years/school environment. |
Brain development shapes children’s ability to self-regulate.. |
Role modelling from an adult, commentary on play/script. Adult being taught to ask the right questions. Do not say “why did you do that?” Consider the child’s understanding of language. Use phrases such as “Tell me, what happened?” and use filler noises to encourage them to elaborate more “Mmmhmm, ok, mmm”. Adults need to remain calm themselves. If you are dysregulated, then you will not be able to effectively support a dysregulated child. |
What is developmentally appropriate for two-year-olds? |
What is developmentally appropriate for three-year-olds? |
What is developmentally appropriate for reception age children? |
Possible reasons for the behaviour |
What could be a reasonable adjustment? |
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Children at age two do not understand the impact of their actions on others. They do not understand the meaning of the word ‘sorry’, although they may repeat the word when an adult says it Children at age two do not understand ‘why’ questions, such as “why did you hit Jonny? |
Children at age three find it hard to understand the impact of their actions on others. Children at age three do not understand the meaning of the word “sorry”. They may repeat the word when prompted to do so by the adult, but it does not mean they understand it. Children at age three do not understand ‘why’ questions, such as “why did you hit Jonny?” |
A small number of children in their reception year may start to understand the concept of saying “sorry” and begin to use it meaningfully. This is because their brain development allows them to grasp basic empathy. Truly understanding what an apology is and using it consistently in the right context without prompting takes longer, developing between the ages of five to seven. It is common for children in their reception year not to understand the viewpoint of others, and it is common for them not to understand “why?” questions or the meaning of the word “sorry.” |
Links to brain development, Theory of Mind*, embarrassed by actions, and do not understand the situation. |
Adults model responses, such as “I’m sorry that happened to you”. Adults model language of emotion and problem-solving strategies “I might have felt cross that Jonny took my toy. Instead of hitting him, I could say…” Adults understand that a child may not apologise for what has happened. |
*Child won't say sorry? Don't use force, try this instead — mellownest.
Time to reflect…
- How will you ensure all adults are modelling the same language around certain situations and understand the same expected behaviours?
- Do you consider where the child is functioning developmentally when responding to their behaviour?
- How do you consider the experiences of the child? Lived experiences, adverse childhood experiences, cultural expectations, sensory needs, previous input from adults/early years setting?
- Do you consider your own feelings/actions and the impact on the child? For example, expecting behaviour to happen and adding ‘fuel to the fire.’
