Talking Together Tips

Here is our list of talking tips that you can use to support the growth of young children’s communication, language and literacy development:

Tip 1: Make it easier for young children to listen

We all find it tricky to listen and focus when we are distracted by television and music, but as we get older, we learn to tune out some of these attention-grabbing sounds. This skill takes time to learn, and young children are not yet able to ignore the sounds to focus on what we’re saying. We can make it easier for them to listen to us by removing distractions from the environment. When we turn off the television or pause the music this stops our voice from being masked and helps young children to focus on the words we’re saying. Speaking in a lively, animated voice and using lots of gestures and facial expressions to back up the meaning of our words can also help young children to listen to us.

Tip 2: Look at young children when we are talking with them

During our interactions with others, we not only listen to what is being said but we also look for visual clues to help us determine whether someone is paying attention and whether they are interested in what it is we are saying. These clues also help us to understand the full meaning of the words being used. We ‘read’ these clues and adapt our interaction style to help us keep the conversation going. If we want young children to look at us when they’re chatting with us, then we need to model how to do this. If we put our ‘phones aside and get down to the same level as the child so we are face to face with them, we can look at them while they speak. This shows children that we’re interested in what they have to say and will motivate them to keep talking.

Tip 3: Follow the lead of young children

Before we join in with young children’s play, we should stop for a few minutes and observe what they are doing, looking at, or saying. By taking a step back and watching, we will have an opportunity to better understand what it is that young children are interested in, rather than jumping in, assuming what is going on and unintentionally putting them off their play. When the focus of the conversation is on something interesting or motivating to young children, back-and-forth conversations are easier to achieve. This is because the child is more likely to pay attention to what we are saying, therefore they may listen in and make links that help them understand and talk more about their world.

Tip 4: Wait for a little and allow young children to start conversations

Young children need to learn to initiate interactions as well as respond to them. One way we can help them with this is to hold back on our chat by pausing for 10 seconds while leaning forward slightly and looking expectantly at them, so they know we’re waiting for them to say something to us. Children may not always respond verbally, so we need to recognise the other ways in which they might be communicating.

Tip 5: Recognise the different ways that young children might be communicating

Long before young children can say words, they are already communicating non-verbally by babbling, looking, or pointing, through gestures, body movements, eye gaze, and facial expressions. Young children continue to communicate in this way to get their message across after they have started to use words. Indeed, some believe that over 50% of the messages we’re trying to communicate are communicated non-verbally. It is important we tune in, recognise, interpret, and respond to the non-verbal acts young children use as this will encourage them to communicate with us more. We can do this by letting them know we’ve seen them communicate by responding to them with a smile or by offering specific praise before we say anything else.

Tip 6: Remember to listen as much as we talk

Sometimes we take on the role of the speaker while the young child we are communicating with is expected to simply act as a listener. However, young children need to be given time to practice using their talking skills, so we need to remember to take turns and listen as much as we talk. By listening more, we will be showing young children we value what they have to say, and this will encourage them to talk with us more about their world.

Tip 7: Slow down the interaction

Sometimes we feel uncomfortable with the silence and rush to talk. It is easy when doing this to talk about what interests us rather than what interests the child we are with. However, when we do this we stop following the child’s lead and the conversation around the activity becomes adult-led. It’s okay to slow down the pace of the interaction, to give us time to think about what it is the child might be interested in, and what they might like to say in the future. By taking our time and valuing the silence, we relieve the pressure to talk about us and the child. We are then more easily able to think of things we can say based on the interests of the child so the language models we offer are more meaningful to the child.

Tip 8: Help young children understand when it is time to listen and pay attention

It is easy to assume young children know we’re talking with them simply because they are the only other person in the room. However, this is not always the case. We need to let young children know what we’re saying is aimed at them, and that we need them to stop and listen. We can do this by giving them a clue which can be as simple as saying their name before (rather than after) we say or ask something. If the child is engaged in play and does not respond, we may need to say their name while also gently touching them on their shoulders.

Tip 9: Use daily routines to emphasise basic language

The best thing about daily routines such as snack time is that the same thing occurs every day so this is a great opportunity for us to expose young children to simple language time and again. Routines can be particularly useful for helping children to learn nouns and verbs. We sometimes forget to teach children verbs, but as these are needed to build sentences it is a key area which we should focus on. For instance, washing, sitting, or choosing are all verbs which can be modelled by adults at snack time. Children who know a lot of nouns but have not yet learnt many verbs can get frustrated when trying to get their needs across to others, so this approach can help support children’s emotional well-being too.

Tip 10: Repeat what young children say

By repeating back what young children say whether that be sounds, words, or sentences, we show that we are listening to them and that we are interested in what they have to say. For young children that don’t yet have any words, we can pick up on their non-verbal clues and talk with them in simple terms about the way they might be feeling, what it is they appear interested in, what they’re doing and/or their needs.

Tip 11: Build on what young children say to us

When young children say a word correctly, we can scaffold their language development by repeating back the word and adding one or two more. For example, if a child says ‘ball’, we might say ‘Charlie’s ball’ or ‘roll the ball’. By building on what young children say, we keep the focus on things that are motivating to them while offering them a model of the words they might want to try and say in the future. This idea not only helps them learn new words but also helps young children learn how to put words together to make short phrases.

Tip 12: Keep things positive, model the right way rather than criticise

If young children say a word incorrectly, repeat back a correct model of the word in a positive way. For example, if a child points to the sun and says ‘dun’, we might say, ‘Wow, the sun’. When we repeat back how the words are said, we offer the child a good language model for the future. If we smile and talk positively while doing so, we are showing that we value their attempts at talking.

Tip 13: Match our language level to that of young children

Rather than talking in lengthy sentences or giving multiple instructions, we should keep our language short and simple. One way of doing this is to use the same number of words the child uses plus one or two more. This approach helps scaffold young children’s language development. For instance, if a child currently uses no words, so they’re pre-verbal, then we can use interesting sounds or one or two keywords when naming and pointing to objects. If a child is using single words, we can respond using short phrases containing two or three keywords as this will make it easier for them to try and imitate what we’ve said. If a child is using short phrases, we can use slightly longer sentences. When language is at the right level, it helps the child to understand more of what we’re saying.

Tip 14: Non-verbal communication to support the understanding of young children

Young children learn to read our non-verbal cues or clues before they begin to understand the words we use. For instance, they learn to understand we sometimes change the tone, volume, pitch, or stress of the sounds or words we use when we are communicating with them. Many children learn to recognise and respond to gestures such as waving to say bye-bye, or by using baby signs before they can use words. Other forms of non-verbal communication such as objects, pictures and other visual aids can also be used to support children’s understanding. For instance, a child may not yet have the words to get their message across, but they may be able to look at or point to pictures to indicate which nursery rhyme they’d like to sing or which fruit they’d like to eat.

Tip 15: Use core words before introducing specialist words

Young children need to experience words in context multiple times before they can link the word we’re saying with the object they can see. We can help young children by using core words which they’ll be exposed to regularly. When the child has mastered the core word, we can then start to introduce specialist words. For instance, we could use the word bread for baguette, naan, or croissant. By doing so, we’re exposing young children to a core word on multiple occasions which will make it much easier for them to understand, remember and, in time, use the word to get their needs across to us. If we use the individual specialist words from the off, it could take young children longer to understand them as they will not be exposed to the words as often.

Tip 16: Be careful with questions

Although we know we need to build on children’s existing knowledge and interests we often find ourselves trapped in a situation where we can’t think of things to say so we start asking question after question instead. Often, we ask questions which children do not yet understand. This means they will not be able to answer the questions, and this can lead to a sense of frustration on the child’s part. Equally, we might ask testing questions for instance, ‘What colour’s the bird?’ when we already know the child knows the colour of the bird.

For children who are chatty and confident and who already have a good vocabulary, asking questions may encourage further conversation. However, for those children who are still learning to talk or who are unconfident, questions can close down interactions. By limiting our questions to one for every four comments made, we can relieve the pressure on children. By simply commenting on what the child is looking at or doing (verbs), we can help them learn more about their world and support their language development.

If a child has limited language and we need to ask them a question we could offer choices using objects which then act as a visual clue to support their understanding of the question, e.g., ‘Breadsticks or raisins?’. At other times, we might use simple open-ended questions such as ‘What would you like to play with?’ when the toys are available for the child to look at or point to.

Tip 17: Use all the senses to help young children learn new words

We need to have seen something to be able to hold a visual image of it in our minds. From here the image acts as a hook onto which we hang the other information about the object including its name, what it does, what it doesn’t do, etc. Hearing the name of the object multiple times, on multiple occasions allows us to begin to link between the word heard and the object itself, therefore developing our understanding of the word.

Although we may have heard a word multiple times, without context it can be difficult to remember. However, if we offer children the opportunity to explore the object in a multi-sensory way, we can help children remember the word. This approach also helps children learn more about the size, colour, sound, texture, smell, taste, or use of the object. This new information can then be added to the hooks in their mind therefore developing their understanding of the object as a whole.

Tip 18: Offer young children some processing time

When you stop talking and wait, children have time to think about what you have said and how they should respond to your last interaction. Waiting for up to 10 seconds before you say anything more can make a big difference for young children as it gives them time to process what you’ve said. For instance, after you have said something about an illustration in a book or read the page, just wait expectantly to see what it is that the child does next. Given time, they may try and communicate their interests with you in verbal or non-verbal terms. For instance, they may gaze at the cat in the picture. You can then follow the child’s lead by saying something linked to the child’s interests, for instance, ‘Yes, it’s a cat. The cat is meowing.’

Tip 19: Consider rephrasing what we have said

Sometimes young children do not understand the things we have said but for some reason we often find ourselves repeating what we have said time and again regardless. If children appear not to have understood what we have said the first time, then we should repeat what we’ve said on one more occasion just in case they did not hear us. If we are certain they heard what we had to say, then we should reflect on the language we have used and simplify what we’ve said by either shortening the sentence or using different vocabulary. This can help alleviate the sense of frustration that can be felt by both parties in these situations.

Tip 20: Try to have a conversation with every child every day

We find it easier to talk with chatty children, but this could mean we are inadvertently interacting less with those children who are quiet or who do not yet have much language. Therefore, we must complete a baseline check of our interactions with children, so we can be sure that all children are getting adequate one-to-one time with an adult at some point throughout the day. We should also aim to sustain our conversations with children for at least five back-and-forth turns, as this allows us to offer essential language input which helps to encourage children’s understanding of language more generally.

Tip 21: Create opportunities to communicate

We can motivate children to communicate with us by giving them a reason to communicate. We can do this by introducing conversation starters.

One such activity is Elf on the Shelf which is popular over the festive period. However, you don’t need to go out and buy anything new like an elf, you can simply choose a toy from your home or setting and then position it in a place you would not usually expect to see it. This way, you can change the toy now and again which then allows you to continue to stimulate conversation throughout the year.

This type of activity works well because it gains the child’s interest and encourages them to communicate with us whether that be by speaking, babbling, or using gestures or a sign. We must always respond to the messages children are trying to convey to us whether they be verbal or otherwise as this way we are showing children that communication has a purpose and it is a means for them to get a reaction. This can encourage children to communicate with us more often.

Tip 22: Play Talking Tennis together

Children communicate with us in many ways. Sometimes they smile, sometimes they use sounds or gestures, sometimes they look at or point to something, and when they’re ready they might try to use words. When we recognise that a child is trying to communicate with us, we tune in and then follow their gaze to see what has caught their eye or respond with a smile. Perhaps we might copy their sounds or talk with them about what it is they are interested in. We then wait for the child to try to communicate again, and again we respond.

These responsive and attentive back-and-forth interactions between children and adults are known as Talking Tennis and new research indicates that these interactions, when sustained, can make a difference to children’s language development over time. David K Dickinson’s ‘Strive for Five’ approach emphasises how we should aim to keep the conversation going with a child for a minimum of five back-and-forth returns, as this allows adults to offer essential language input that helps encourage children’s language learning.

You can learn more about how to use Talking Tennis when interacting with little ones, including visits to the supermarket, at home or the library, and download Talking Walk activity sheets on the TTiC Resources page.

Tip 23: Use the illustrations in books as a tool for conversation

We often see children looking at the illustrations in books which have naturally drawn them in. When we take the time to look at, explore and talk together with children about what can be seen in the illustrations we are supporting their understanding of the words, of the context and their vocabulary development. Focusing on the illustrations also allows us to identify which words children do and don’t already know. By looking at the illustrations together time and again, children become more familiar with the new vocabulary, characters or plot and they become more comfortable talking about what they can see and connect this to their own experiences. Moreover, as children begin to develop more positive feelings about books, the story becomes even more accessible. Using books in this way helps children build shared narratives with others which allows them to talk more about what they can see, and it further develops their knowledge and understanding of the stories.

An example of an adult sharing a book in this way with a child can be found on the Perth Hills Allied Health Facebook page.

Tip 24: Take things slow

We often find that we are time-poor. Of course, we all want to do our best for everyone but we can be so busy that we inadvertently start talking ‘at’ our children rather than ‘with’ them. By this we mean, we might only ask questions or give instructions to children rather than having a two-way conversation where we listen as much as we talk. When we’re so busy it can look like we’re not interested in what our little ones have to say and so if we want to show that we are interested we may need to think about how we can slow things down a little.

We must think whether it is necessary to do everything that we have planned or whether we can spend longer doing fewer things, so we have more time to talk together. This then allows us to take a few minutes to listen to what children are saying or watch what they are doing. This can help us understand more about what children are interested in at that time and allow us the time to think about what language we might want to model. For instance, we can ask ourselves ‘What might Johnny like to be able to say about this toy?’, or, ’What is Johnny doing and how can I describe this as he might want to try and say these things in the future?’

When we then join in Johnny’s play, we can then use some of the language we have thought of when narrating his play. For instance, ‘The ball is very big’ or ‘You’re bouncing the ball’. When the focus of the conversation is on something interesting or motivating to the child, they’re more likely to listen in and attend to what is being said, and you will find that back-and-forth interactions or conversations are easier to achieve.